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And Then We Danced
An older man, separated from his wife for eight and a half years decides to apply for a simple divorce. They have no children and all their property and money things have been attended to a long time ago. The man is asking only for divorce, and according to the Divorce Act there is no dispute.
The dance begins. His is the dance of acceptance. Hers is the dance of anger and resentment.
Denial
Anger / Resentment / Revenge
Bargaining / Negotiation
Depression
Acceptance
A true story of two people dancing out of step, soon joined by her lawyer who has his own bargaining dance. If she does nothing then she automatically gets a free divorce. She partners with her lawyer who give her his wise advice. "Do not ignore this document, we must file at once".
The man receives a notice telling him to pay her costs to file, and to pay her partner's ample coin. Now he does the dance of depression. Later the same day, after parchment from his own divorce specialist, the man returns to the dance of acceptance, knowing he can sit theirs out.
A related article, Walk Away Wife Syndrome looks at another dance. The husband is blissfully unaware of problems. You can see him prancing about whistling the chorus called denial. Everything is fine on his marriage dance floor.
Meanwhile, she does a two-step all by herself. She's done with the moves to denial, has moved beyond the rhythm of anger and the shuffle of bargaining. She has left depression behind and is now firmly embracing the melody of acceptance. They dance and dance. out of step and finally out of their lives.
It is common for couples to flirt from dance to dance, each calling their own tune, sometimes in step as if arm in arm, other times crashing apart then rushing back to stomp toes. Often their own.
Children are invited, the music loud. Anger and revenge blasts the air. Soon enough, quietly on their own they learn the fancy steps of bargaining. Take time to observe and you'll see them practicing depression, but rarely acceptance.
Maybe couples dance the same dance at the same time. If it's denial then all seems well. If it's the fast tempo of anger, then words and cries fill the air. Bouncing here and there. Directionless.
We frequently see a pair of pipers with their forms and letters, keeping the dance alive. At the end of the day with bows and curtsies all around they pay the pipers their coin. They finally leave the floor, acceptance mellow in the background, to dance and dance and dance alone.
Alternatively, they can decide to pause, to take note. to see and hear the other, eyes and ears open, willing to learn and practice the new dance called communication.
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